i’m watching sex and the city and now i want 30-something sex columnist foggy and eligible single bachelor matt and…that’s all i’ve got but i want it
Foggy’s column is about trying out sex-related things (light BDSM! watching porn together! putting IcyHot on your bits! he didn’t like that last one) but he and Marci just ended their friends with benefits arrangement for the ninth time and he has a column due TOMORROW and he’s FREAKING OUT…
…and then his best friend volunteers to help.
this is very good
“I have to have sex with someone
on a washing machine right now,” Foggy
says, stumbling through the door at Josie’s and throwing himself into the chair
in front of Matt.“Well, time to go,” Jessica says,
finishing her whiskey and standing up.“It would be fun! I mean—probably!”
Foggy calls after her, before slumping down in his seat and moaning. “Matty, I’m
getting fired.”“Where’s Marci?” Matt asks,
amused.“She ditched me,” Foggy says, leaning
over to steal Matt’s beer, “for a Wall Street broker with a big dick and an
obnoxiously nice face.”“You’ve met him?” Matt asks,
raising his eyebrows.“Nope,” Foggy says, sighing. “She
sent me a picture and a measurement. My deadline’s tomorrow—I’m fucked.”“Well, technically you’re not,” Matt says,
laughing when Foggy balls up a napkin and throws it at him. “Come on, you write
a sex column—surely there’s somebody you can hook up with.”“I made calls,” Foggy says. “I
made ten calls. Turns out most people don’t want their sexual exploits written
about in the paper, even anonymously—who knew?”“You and Marci do have a certain unique form of
shamelessness,” Matt says. “What about Karen?”“Yes, I should just casually
sleep with a coworker and my best
friend’s ex,” Foggy says. “That’s not a terrible plan at all. Come on, I need your
A game right now, Murdock.”Matt nods and takes his beer
back, finishing it off.“I’ll do it with you,” he says, calmly.
“…excuse me?” Foggy asks.
“Well, I don’t want you getting fired,” Matt says reasonably. “Who would pay your half of the rent?” He makes a thoughtful face. “The difficult thing will be getting a washing machine. I don’t think the laundromat down the street would appreciate your journalistic endeavors.”
“Danny has one at his place, I was going to ask him,” Foggy says automatically. “Let’s go back to the part where you said you’d do it.”
“Well, do you have a better idea?”
They’re walking down the sidewalk
toward Danny’s place, Foggy’s laundry bag with condoms and lube on top slung
over one shoulder and Matt’s hand holding onto his arm, when Foggy breaks and
says, “Okay, how are you being so cool about this? I didn’t even know you slept
with men.”
“I’ve been known to,” Matt says.
“You—no, you haven’t, that’s the whole point,” Foggy says, attempting to gesture
violently and almost knocking Matt over with his laundry. “When have you had
time to be having—dalliances with men
between the hot girls and the secret crime-fighting career?”
“Dalliances?” Matt asks,
laughing. “And—I don’t know, college. Things happen.”
“Things happen?” Foggy asks. “I can’t believe you kept this from me.”
“Well,” Matt says, angling his
head to smile at Foggy. “I’m not keeping it from you anymore.”
Foggy stares at that smile for a
moment before he makes a strangled noise and tugs Matt closer. This doesn’t
even feel like it’s happening but Matt looks pleased with himself.
“So, explain the washing machine
to me,” Matt says.
“As usual, I stole it from an old
issue of Cosmo,” Foggy says. He’s got
what basically amounts to a serial killer wall of cut-up sex tips in their apartment. “But it’s kind of a historical—repressed housewife thing? I don’t
know how much of it is a myth but the idea is women who weren’t getting what
they needed from their husbands found it elsewhere.”
“Do you think it’ll feel good?”
Matt asks.
“Maybe for the person who’s
actually on it,” Foggy says, then outright blushes at the thought, “or—bent
over it, maybe.”
“I guess if that was going to be
Marci,” Matt says, “then I can do it.”
“…you’re sure?” Foggy asks, stopping
abruptly.
Matt smiles again. He must be
able to hear that Foggy’s heart is racing.
“I’m sure.”
oh my god, they were roommates 