“So, this is my legal counsel in these matters,
Franklin Nelson of Hogarth something something, he’ll–” Stark’s hands waved in a way that Foggy
supposed meant “dutifully inform you of your rights and responsibilities
and offer advice under the law.” Hey,
Foggy was just pleased that Stark had remembered his name.“Thanks, Mr. Stark,” he said.
“Uh-huh. Don’t
let Loki talk over you, he’s slippery.”“Er.” Foggy
looked, finally, into the room to see his new client roster. There was Loki, villian of The Incident,
sitting right beside the most beautiful
person Foggy had ever seen, and Foggy had roomed with Matt Murdock, which
meant shirtlessness, and–And there was also Bruce Banner, and a terrifying looking
lady Foggy’d never seen, and another beautiful person with gold eyes and hair and Foggy took a moment to lament
that his own locks were only now beginning to grow back out. He was pushing the
bounds of “respectable lawyer” by having ends that dangled towards
his collar, but the corporate look was strangling.Still, if he couldn’t stretch dress code in his particular
niche of “superhero/caped vigilante representation and counsel,” what
good was having a niche?“Franklin!” Thor, one-eyed, boomed. His
hair was cut off, too. Maybe they could
commiserate. Be we-miss-long-hair buddies, over a nice drink and some romantic
music.“Call me Foggy,” Foggy said, holding his hand out
to shake. He tried, very hard, to
pretend Loki wasn’t keenly observing
him. "Like Mr. Stark said, I’m a
lawyer and I specialize in representing–wow, what a grip–um, vigilantes.
Heroes.““Lovely,” Loki said, somehow sounding like oil on
top of water.“My brother, Loki,” Thor said.
“Yeah, I remember from footage of the Incident. You know, alien invasion and all.”
“I was coerced,” Loki testily answered.
“It’s complicated–Here.” Foggy found himself turned. "The Gatekeeper, Heimdal. A more ferocious warrior Asgard has never known! And this is the Lady Brunhilde–“
"Spare us the poetry, Thor,” Brunhilde said. There was a bottle in front of her on the
table, and it glowed purple. As Foggy
watched, she took a big swig of it, then belched. Beside her, Bruce Banner looked a bit
smitten.“O-kay,” Foggy said. "Nice to, uh, meet you. Let’s–well, let me start by explaining
client-attorney privilege …“And that was Foggy’s first interaction with Thor.
With Matt, the initial "hot hot hot” had faded
into something else over the weeks of rooming with him. That did not happen with Thor. Even dressed down in designer jeans and a
tastefully schlubby t-shirt and hoodie (Tony Stark was bankrolling them,
apparently, and certain designers were falling all over themselves to dress an
actual god), Thor exuded this bigger-than-life presence. He was hot, unrealistically hot. Foggy
was extra aware of every extra bit of padding.Once, he saw Thor’s hipbones, when he stretched and his
shirt rode up and his pants rode down.
He’d dropped his pen and his jaw and Loki had been glowering at him by
the time he found both. Loki began
sitting very close to his brother,
even leaning on him, and Thor looped his arm around Loki’s shoulders
unconsciously as they read contracts and treaties, offers from various
governments about accepting the Asgardian refugees. To help him go through it all, Foggy
outsourced, and brought in Matt. He’d
sort of hoped Matt’s own attractiveness would sort of counter-point Thor’s, but
it didn’t.For weeks, Foggy went home every evening and jerked off furiously to the idea of bending Thor
over and watching Matt bend Thor over and being
bent over by Thor. Loki sometimes
appeared in these fantasies like a weirdly hot, spiteful coach. Not even
Foggy’s fantasies could turn Loki sweet.
Instead, Loki made passive-aggressive comments about Foggy’s back fat
and the size of his dick and let me show
you how it’s really done. Foggy
jerked off twice to the mental image
of Thor and Loki fucking for Foggy’s benefit. Twice in one shower. When he
hooked up with Marci, he asked her to use her strap on, and confessed after to
representing Thor. She put it together
quick–shoved him over onto his stomach and put a hand on the back of his neck
to hold him down. "Try not to squirm,
mortal,“ she told him. "My
hammer will overwhelm thy puny buttocks.”They both froze, then laughed so hard snot happened, and
agreed to never roleplay in bed again.After two months of providing legal counsel and advice to
the literally inhumanly gorgeous Asgardian Revengers (a name that made Thor
blush and Loki titter), Foggy resigned himself to a vividly imagined sex life.“A charity gala,” Thor rumbled, looking at the
creamy white invitation. "With a
plus one?“"A date, Thor,” Loki answered, insouciant, from
where he lounged on an improbably luxurious chaise.“Oh, I see.”
“People pay to be there, and the money goes to
charity. In this case, to some supplies
for your people,” Foggy explained.
“Mr. Stark’s idea, but Pepper handled the setup, so it’ll be
nice.”“I see,” Thor frowned. “I detest such
events. Could I not agree to put on a
show of strength for money?”“It’s the personal conversations people are paying
for,” Foggy told him. “Sorry, buddy. We’d all like to see you flex,
but.”“But I need a date.”
“Too bad Jane isn’t available,” Loki muttered, somehow
sounding like there were knives in the syllable Jane.“The Lady Jane is very busy, and it was a mutual
breakup!” Thor cried, defending the
honor of his ex. Thor didn’t do things
like say. Say was too passé for him.“Right,”
Loki tsked. He, too, was a bit of a
drama queen, and too fancy for words like said.“I need a date,” Thor soldiered on. "Someone familiar with Earth’s
customs.“ Foggy could see Loki perk
up, though Thor could not. Foggy started
searching his brain for ways to say, maybe
bringing your mass murderer brother (boyfriend???) is not the best idea–"Someone who can make sure I do not offend any of the
important donors–our people do
depend on the charity of Midgardians.”
Loki seemed a little doubtful at that one, but perked right up when Thor
said, “Someone eloquent of tongue, and quick of wit, and pleasing to
behold–”Your brother literally
killed lots of people. It was on YouTube,
Foggy rehearsed.“Foggy!”
Thor boomed, and Foggy literally jumped.
“Please, be my plus one.”“Loki’s gonna kill me,” Foggy said in answer, out
of reflex, because Loki’s eyes were wide and hurt and then narrowed dangerously and Foggy looked to Matt for
help–Matt just started laughing so hard he had to hold on to the
table to keep from falling down.
OH MY GOD, THIS IS GREAT
oh my god, they were roommates 