also, since i have b99 on in the background, jake/amy pwp that should exist in the world: 

  • it’s weird at first, but, like…amy doesn’t mind being called daddy. it’s kind of subversive and cool, right? (she maybe really likes it.) 
  • all the bondage. gags. casual weekend bondage. also, amy’s stronger than she looks, and jake’s interested in the possibilities there. oh! honor bondage. yes.
  • it is completely inexplicable how good amy santiago is at dirty talk. jake’s pretty sure that she took a course or something.
  • praise kink! praise kink! praise kink! on both sides! probably!
  • just roleplaying in general; they never manage to stay in character, and jake jokes his way through it, but it’s fun.

some netflix marvel/b99 shipping possibilities: 

  • jake/foggy – because foggy has a thing for guys who like justice and praise and have huge daddy issues
  • matt/jake – jake daredevil fanboys and maybe runs into danger more often than he should to try to meet him; matt’s charmed despite himself
  • foggy/gina but gina just keeps trying to get him to have a threesome with matt (”he’s here all the time, anyway, he might as well take off his pants”) and then eventually gets fascinated with marci
  • marci/gina – so fabulous. perhaps too fabulous.
  • jessica/rosa – gruff ladies in reluctant love
  • jessica/gina – jessica kisses her to get her to stop talking and it just gets out of hand from there 
  • boyle has a horrible crush on jessica and they all have to keep him away from her to prevent any violence
  • luke/rosa. also, luke/gina. also, luke/jake. luke/everyone. most people on b99 are tiny and have no chill and it’s so compelling to imagine them interacting with him.
  • karen and jake go on a blind date and just end up being best friends. they go to movies together and drink cheap wine and give each other emotional support. 
  • why does malcolm/amy seem like the cutest possible thing in the entire world
  • there are so many more
  • the possibilities are endless
  • i thought of one while i was writing this list that made me say “holy SHIT” out loud and then i managed to forget it before i could write it down
  • but seriously these are all true and good

100 words: jake in the hospital suite while any sleeps, holding their baby

“I hope you know, you tiny terrifying person,” Jake
says, hushed, cradling their daughter close, “that I’m never going
anywhere. Even though my first instinct when your mom was screaming earlier was
to hitch-hike my way to New Mexico and live in the desert, I will never, ever
do that.”

He carefully took her away from Amy after she passed
out, and, so far, she hasn’t started crying yet; she’s just gazing up at him
with big brown eyes.

“God, if you’re anything like your mom, you’re gonna
run circles around me,” he says, laughing softly. “I’m really freaking excited.”

in the ebony falcon ep, jake says he took three years of tap. mind writing a little ficlet involving him tap-dancing for whatever reason?

Distract them,” Amy hisses, gesturing to the group of men crowded by the front door. “I’m gonna sneak around the back.” 

“I’ve been told I’m very distracting,” Jake whispers back, leaning in to peck her cheek before turning around and walking towards the men, taking off the totally awesome hat he was wearing as a disguise and tossing it on the ground next to them. 

Amy raises her eyebrows. 

“A show for the gentlemen!” Jake says, arguably too grandly, making a face at himself before he starts dancing. Like straight up actual tap dancing, because it’s basically like riding a bike, a bike that tap taps in your dreams until you wake up screaming. 

One of the guys whispers, “What the fuck,” but they keep watching him, perhaps morbidly fascinated but Jake’s pretty sure that fascinated is somewhere in the equation. 

“He’s crazy,” another guys says. “Give him a dollar, maybe he’ll go away.” 

One of them tosses a dollar in Jake’s hat and Jake glances over to see Amy watching from the alley with a weird look on her face. He stops tap dancing with an elegant flourish of his arms and does a sweeping bow, grabbing his hat and saying, “Thank you for your generosity!” 

He dashes over to Amy, saying, “Did you get anything?” 

“No,” Amy says, looking him up and down. “I got distracted.” 

“…Amy Santiago,” he says, a slow grin spreading across her face. “Are you horny for tap dancing?” 

“What?” Amy says, scoffing. “No, I’m–you know what, yeah, I am, I really am, let’s go back to my place and you can…y’know.” 

“…tap dance naked?” Jake asks, frowning. 

“No!” Amy says, then looks thoughtful. “Well.” 

“I can’t believe you want me to tap dance strip tease for you,” Jake says, throwing an arm around her and laughing as he leads her away, adding warmly. “You pervert.” 

Hey Chelsea, I just got back to my dorm from my first ever protest/march (NYC Against Trump)!! I’m feeling very giddy and excited rn but I think I’m going to crash tmrw, so could I ask for a little fluffy B99 fic? Any character/pairing/situation is good. Thank you!! 💕

exciting! I meant to write this sooner but here’s a little thing:

They’re sitting on Amy’s
couch, a few inches between them, when Amy reaches over to take Gina’s hand.
Gina laughs but doesn’t pull away, says, “Of course you’re a hand holder. This
is, like, middle school second base.”

“I like hand holding,”
Amy says, defensively. “It’s intimate.”

She doesn’t know exactly
what they’re doing here, just that they got drunk together one night and four drink
Amy confessed some feelings that no drink Amy has attempted to bury for awhile,
because Gina Linetti is probably not an ideal girlfriend.

Also, they made out in an
interrogation room at work once and it was the most scandalous thing that Amy
has ever done on the clock because she is not a fan of scandal (but that one
was pretty okay, honestly, really great, but it may be the exception that
proves the rule).

“You know what’s intimate?”
Gina asks, raising her eyebrows.

“Middle school third
base?” Amy asks, smiling despite herself.

“Middle school,” Gina
says, emphatically, pronouncing every syllable, “Third base.”

She leans in and cups Amy’s
face in one hand, leaning in to press a close-mouthed lingering kiss to Amy’s
mouth. Amy lets out a soft gasp, moving in to bury her free hand in Gina’s hair
as they deepen the kiss. Their hands are still linked between them, and Gina’s
hair smells like coconut, and Amy forgot how good kissing girls is.

“Hey,” Amy says, softly,
when they part. “How about we try for high school third base?”

Gina grins at her.

“I like the cut of your
jib, kid,” she says, letting go of Amy’s hand to crawl into her lap and slide it between Amy’s legs instead.

ahh could you please please write more jake/Amy porn of any variety plEASE I’m living for it

“I’m pretty sure this is against regulation,” Amy says, standing over where Jake’s sprawled out naked on her bed, her handcuffs dangling from her hand.

“There are no regulations in the bedroom, baby,” Jake says, then pulls a face, shaking his head. “No, never mind, that was gross. I don’t think that anybody will find out.” 

I don’t think anybody will find out is a terrible moral philosophy for a police officer,” Amy says, faintly, eyes moving back and forth from the handcuffs to Jake until she sighs and says, “I think it’s really hot that you want me to do this, though, so just–don’t tell anyone.”

“My lips are sealed,” Jake says, sitting up on his elbows to smile at her.

“Not even Boyle,” Amy says, climbing onto the bed and pressing a kiss to his mouth before she takes his wrists and uses them to pull his arms into the air. 

“Not even Boyle,” Jake repeats, obediently.

“Not even Gina,” Amy says, raising her eyebrows at him.

Jake hesitates. 

“But she’ll be so happy–” he starts, then, as soon as Amy starts to let him go, “Okay, not even Gina. But only because I think that she’ll just see it in my eyes.” 

“That I handcuffed you to my bed,” Amy asks, voice dropping and smile going kind of sweet, “and had my way with you?” 

Jake gazes up at her and nods, gasping a little when the handcuffs click loosely on his wrists and Amy hooks them over part of her headboard.

“She used to borrow my handcuffs all the time,” he says. “They always came back smelling like Axe and weed.”

Amy gives him a horrified look.

“That is definitely against regulation,” she says, poking his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Jake says, dreamily. “I’ve been pretty bad. You should probably punish me.”

For not-necessarily-autumn ficlets: Jake/Amy/Any Dude for a Bisexual Disaster Jake Peralta funtime threesome? Alternately, Claire Temple/Trish Walker, “Courage”, because Claire has both sense *and* a type.

I WROTE THE FIRST ONE. IN LIKE HALF AN HOUR AND IT’S SUPER UNEDITED BUT I WROTE IT: 

Jake’s brain shuts down for a moment after Amy says
it, mouth falling open. Amy’s straddling his hips, sitting on top of him in an
NYPD t-shirt and nothing else.

“A—a what?” he asks. “Did you just—what?

Amy smiles awkwardly and shrugs, repeats, “I’ve got a
friend from college who’s coming to visit and—we could maybe have a threesome.”

“…Amy,” he says. “Santiago.”

“You sound horrified,” Amy says, sighing. “God, I’m
sorry, I horrified you. I thought guys were into this kind of thing.”

She starts to climb off of him and Jake grabs her
waist to keep her there, laughing. He leans up to press a kiss to her mouth,
and Amy raises her eyebrows at him when they part.

“This is not my horrified voice,” Jake says. “You’ve
heard my horrified voice, after that one case with the animal hoarding and the—”

“Ugh, don’t say it,” Amy says, making a face.

“The dead maggoty
raccoon
,” Jake says. “See? That was my horrified voice. This—” he moves his
hands down to slide them underneath Amy’s t-shirt, wrapping them around her
waist again, feeling when Amy takes a deep nervous breath before he lowers his
voice and continues, “This is my oh my god, my girlfriend is amazing voice.”

“Yeah?” Amy asks, smiling.

Yeah,” Jake
repeats.

*

After Jake shows Amy exactly how amazing he thinks she
is—twice—he wipes his face off on her
sheets and crawls up to lay down next to her, where she’s blissed out and
smiling.

“You really took my notes to heart,” she says, turning
her head to give him a soft look.

“I aim to please,” Jake says. “You, I mean. Sexually.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Amy says, leaning in to kiss him
on the nose.

“Hey,” Jake says. “Speaking of being pleased sexually,
tell me about your adventurous college friend. Were you two sorority sisters?
Did you have sexy pillow fights? Can we have
a sexy pillow fight?”

“I wasn’t a sorority girl,” Amy says. “Brian was in a
frat, but it was one of those academic ones, not the gross ones.”

“Who’s Brian?” Jake asks.

“My college friend,” Amy says.

“…is that a cool modern gender ambiguous girl’s
name?” Jake asks, faintly.

“No,” Amy says. “Brian’s a guy.”

“You’re really full of surprises,” Jake says. “You
want to sleep with two guys?”

“I kind of thought—you
might want to,” Amy says, sitting up to look down at him. “Not two guys—that
would be okay, too, though, I’m cool—but one. And me.”

Jake stares at the ceiling for awhile, working through
it in his head. On the one hand: sexy sorority girl fantasies. Feathers
everywhere. Ladies kissing in a totally appreciative but not objectifying way.

On the other hand.

Dudes kissing. Maybe there are some feathers there. It’s
not—it’s not bad.

Amy smooths a hand up and down his arm, looking
concerned until he sits up and says, in one breath, “Yeah, okay, let’s do it.”

*

“Have you kissed a guy before?” Amy asks, over dinner
the next day.

“Have you ever kissed a girl?” Jake asks.

“Yep,” Amy says, smirking. “I’ll tell you mine if you
tell me yours.”

“Eduardo Meyers, sophomore year of high school,” Jake
says, holding up one finger. “We ironically made out during a game of Spin the
Bottle only he was the only one being ironic, I was super into it.”

“Aww,” Amy says. “Baby Jake.”

“Don’t interrupt my gay backstory,” Jake says, holding
up a second finger. “Some guy at a club in college who was mysteriously not
turned off by my complete inability to dance like someone who isn’t have a
seizure. And three—Boyle.”

“Shut up,” Amy says, grinning and hitting the table,
jostling their plates. “Except don’t, tell me everything.”

“It was just a bro hug gone terribly awry—nobody
should ever let me near tequila—and you
will not speak a word of it,” Jake says, pointing at her with the three fingers
he was holding up.

“Does Gina know?” Amy asks.

No, she does
not
,” Jake says. “And she never will. Now—tell me about your lesbian
experimentation.”

“You know my friend Victoria?”

“Hot Victoria?” Jake asks, then winces. “Oh my god, I
only call her that in my head, I’m so sorry and you are way hotter.”

“We dated for five months,” Amy says, smiling when
Jake gapes at her.

“Wait, are you legit bi?” he asks.

“Yeah, I guess so. Are you?” she asks, smiling wider.

“All signs seem to point to that,” Jake says. “I guess
we’ll find out for sure next week when we have a sexy devil’s threesome. Geez. Is
it possible that we’re, like, a really, really
cool couple?”

“It’s possible,” Amy says, reaching over to lace their
fingers together on top of the table.

“Somebody should make a movie about us,” Jake says,
shaking his head. “Two sexually ambiguous loose cannon cops, upholding the law,
banging some dudes—wait, nope, I’m describing porn.”

*

Brian’s really nice. Brian laughs at Jake’s jokes and
has big hands and dark skin and smiles at them both like they have a big
wonderful secret—which they do. They do have a secret. A sexy secret.

“Do we really get to have sex with this weirdly
perfect dude?” he whispers to Amy, while they’re out having dinner.

“If you can be cool about it,” she whispers back.

“I thought we established that we’re both incredibly
cool,” he whispers back, frowning.

“So,” Brian says, giving them an amused look. “I can
hear everything you’re saying? Now might be a good time to talk this whole
thing out.”

“This whole thing,” Jake says, “meaning the sex?”

“Yes,” Brian says, laughing. “The sex.”

*

They talk it out like rational adults and Jake only
blushes and nervously laughs, like, through most of it, and Amy holds his hand
under the table and says, “I want to watch you two. Is that okay?”

“I’m okay with that,” Brian says. “Jake?”

“Yeah,” Jake whispers, then clears his throat and
says, too loudly, “Yes, absolutely, I’d love to have sex with you while my
girlfriend watches.”

The couple next to them turns to look at them with
wide eyes.

“Sounds like we have a plan, then,” Brian says,
brightly. “Should we skip dessert and get straight to it?”

“CHECK, PLEASE,” Jake says, giving up on being able to
control the volume of his voice in favor of flagging down their waiter. Amy
squeezes his hand under the table.

*

There’s a whole foreplay thing where Jake kisses Amy
and Amy kisses Brian and Brian kisses Jake and it’s all very slow and wet and kind
of blurry in the aftermath, the aftermath being Jake naked and on his knees
with Amy’s fingers buried inside of him and his face buried in his arms.

“How are you doing?” Brian asks, rubbing his back.

“Good,” Jake says, muffled. “Oh my god, this is good.”

“Good,” Brian repeats, warmly. “Do you think you’re
ready?”

“Maybe,” Jake says, squirming backwards a little
before he sits up a little to look at him. “How do I know that?”

“Do you want to get fucked?” Brian asks, his voice
going low and honey smooth. Jake drops his head back down to moan.

“I’m ready,” he says, a little high-pitched.

Amy pets his side as she slowly pulls her fingers out,
and Jake aches for the contact until she’s moving around to sit by his head,
switching places with Brian. She slides fingers into his hair and says, “You
sure?”

He lifts his head.

“I’m sure that you need to kiss me right now,” he
says, pushing up on his arms, and Amy smiles and leans down to kiss him gently.

“You look so good like this,” she says, moving so she’s
sitting cross-legged in front of him and he can rest his head on her bare
thigh, turning his head to press a kiss to it. Brian’s rubbing his hip.

“Breathe through it, okay?” he murmurs, and Jake makes
an agreeable noise, taking a deep breath as Brian pushes inside of him. It’s a
stretch, but Brian’s slow and careful and Amy’s making soothing noises and petting
his head and it’s not long before Jake’s ready.
Like, really ready, pushing back to take more and groaning when Brian gives it
to him.

“How does it feel?” Amy asks, softly.

Jake noses against her thigh for a minute before he
moans as Brian pulls out and thrusts back, saying with her mouth open against
her skin, “Kind of amazing.”

“Kind of?” Brian asks. “I’ll have to step it up.”

Brian steps it
up
.

*

Jake comes first, with Amy moving to kneel next to him
and jerk him off while she presses kisses to his back where it’s arched up.
Brian follows eventually because he has ridiculous stamina.

They take turns eating Amy out because, frankly, she
deserves it for setting up this shindig, and after she comes apart with Brian’s
tongue on her and Jake’s mouth on hers, they cuddle. Group cuddling is weird,
but not bad—Jake’s smushed up between them, on his back with Brian’s head
resting against the top of his and Amy’s head on his shoulder.

“Wow,” Jake says.

“Did you have fun?” Amy asks, happily.

So much
fun,” Jake says, smiling at the ceiling before he nudges Brian with an elbow. “When
are you coming to the city again?”

“Maybe sooner than I expected,” Brian says, laughing.

They fall asleep together, and Jake feels kind of
small and very warm and—safe. He definitely feels safe. He doesn’t know if that’s
a normal post-threesome feeling, but he’s…honestly kind of psyched to find out.

Autumn fic meme: Brooklyn 99, any characters/pairing, and 28, 13, or 21

this is just a tiny bit ridiculous:

“You look…cozy,”
Boyle says, suspiciously, when Rosa comes in one morning wearing a soft plaid
flannel shirt shot through with lines of yellow and orange and red. She shoots
him a look that makes him look away immediately, turning back to his work. “Never
mind, I didn’t say anything.”

“No, you’re right, Boyle,” Jake says. “Cozy is exactly
what Rosa looks right now. Why are you wearing colors?”

“It’s fall,” Rosa says, roughly. “These are fall
colors. Leaves and—garbage like that.”

“You wear black for every season,” Amy says. “I bought
you a coffee mug that says that for Christmas.”

“I smashed that mug,” Rosa says.

“I know, it hurt my feelings,” Amy says, frowning at
her, “but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

Jake’s squinting at Rosa, tilting his head slowly to
one side.

“That’s not your shirt,” he says, dramatically. “That
shirt—belongs to someone else.”

“You’re accusing me of stealing this shirt?” Rosa
asks, flatly.

“Not stealing,” Jake says, smiling. “I think you got laid.”

“GINA GOT LAAAAIIIID,”
Gina yells, stepping off the elevator at that exact moment, blasting an air
horn in one hand and holding up her phone, which is playing “Pony” by Ginuwine
at full volume.

Jake’s smile grows even bigger, turning to beam at
Rosa.

“I’m so happy for you!” he says.

“I said no airhorn,” Rosa grits out.

Gina’s too busy grinding in the air to the music to
pay attention.

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